Wonderful World

On May 2, 2017 by Saint Paul

Daintree National Park is home to the oldest rainforest of the world dating back to about one million years. As of 1984 Daintree is a UNESCO natural heritage site, two years after the Great Barrier Reef was given that status. Guide Huckleberry Finn clearly is suffering from a severe case of verbal diarrhea as he does not stop providing the Saint and his followers with thousands of little factoids about everything you see and even things you don’t see. Just as you think you have been told everything there is to know about the biggest scout hat in the world, he will amaze you with facts of how long it will take you to remove the spikes from your hand after touching a spike tree, or the former and current location of a crocodile farm where they have jumping crocodile shows similar to those in Darwin but not with wild ones as the Darwinians are a strange bunch.

Before boarding the boat at the Daintree River Cruise Centre Saint Martin advises the group to take the right seat. The right seat is obviously located on the right side which makes sense considering it is the right side. Otherwise it would have been called the left side which is completely not right at all, and also known as wrong. His advise is the right decision as during the one hour cruise over the Daintree River it is croc time on the right side. Quite a few of them can be seen relaxing on the river banks and waiting for lunch to pop by. The dominant male Scarface is basking in the sun. Captain Bill explains he is called Scarface after a 5 year fight with Poppy, the former ruler of the river. Before he met Poppy, Scarface was a good looking croc with a full set of teeth, but after his long lasting fight with Poppy he looked like an old grandma, but he did become supreme commander of the river. And now he can live happily ever after, at least until a new male comes over to challenge him for the throne.

Cape Tribulation is the cape where the illustrious lieutenant Cook ran his ship the Endeavour aground back in 1770. He called it Tribulation as this was the place where all his troubles began while before they seemed so far away when he arrived in Botany Bay a few months earlier. Apart from the aborigines only the Dutch had arrived in Australia, but they arrived on the north west coast which did not look very promising at the time and therefore they said: “We can do better than this”, and left only to let Cook plant his silly flag when he arrived in Botany Bay to call it England’s new prison to be. 

Huckleberry Finn takes the Saint to Lync Haven Rainforest Retreat to feed the wallaby’s and to have some barbie lunch. While Huckleberry throws some steaks on the barbie the Saint and his followers can take a look at the snakes. Right after lunch the talkative guide speeds down the road to do some off-roading. He happily shows the warning signs that state not to proceed beyond this point if you are not in a 4 wheel drive. Just when Huckleberry Finn has finished cutting his special tasting board of tropical fruits, a bunch of blokes in a station wagon with a boat come driving past to cross the tiny river. Halfway the river their car feels it cannot pass and decides to get stuck. Much to the angriness and disappointment in his own people of Huckleberry, who explains that lots of unemployed and criminally active individuals head on over to this part of Australia, because the weather is always nice and the amount of policemen can be rounded off to 0. However, the good thing about stupid people is that they can be easily ignored which means it is time to taste the fruits. There is a rich assortment of sugar banana, yellow sapote, rambutan, jackfruit and two types of custard apples. The Saint has no problem consuming 5 of the 6 fruits but the cherimoia unfortunately tastes like a hospital.

Then it is off to Cape Tribulation to picture Cook arrive with his strong seamen. You imagine them being happy to see land and especially here as it is a glorious beach and Cook could have gotten a lot of likes if he had been a photographer, internet had existed, and the camera had been invented. Unfortunately for him, he was merely a successful explorer born in the wrong time to become a successful photographer.

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